I’m kind of a shy person.
For those that know me, I usually seem pretty charismatic, happy-go-lucky, and sometimes, just downright silly. However, that’s only a small part of what I’m able to express. The part of me that I don’t express…well…if I could explain it to you, I wouldn’t have a problem expressing it in the first place lol.
That’s my problem, but it’s not like I put on a facade to mask my emotions or anything. When I’m at a party and the mood is festive, I can loosen up pretty well and keep the party going with some jokes or crazy stories. However, when it’s crunch time and people are arguing over politics, philosophical notions, academia, or even emotions, I get a mental writer’s block on my thoughts. Even if it’s an idea I’ve done some heavy thinking beforehand, when it’s my turn to step up to the plate and contribute, my mind freezes and I’ll strike out by saying something shallow and unimpressive.
But like Future Sight, I’ll figure out the words I want to say after it’s my turn (two turns actually), and then proceed to mentally hit myself over the forehead for missing an opportunity. Such is how I have felt the past four years in high school. Especially on debate team. Especially in the random fights that break out between Pulkit vs. Henok vs. Jason vs The World (I love them but they can get crazy). People look and treat you better if you project yourself as smart, well-spoken, and serious (some combination of those traits and some others that I’m forgetting). None of which I exhibit when I stand their quietly doing nothing, figuring out what to say and then waiting for the tension in the air to cool down so I can say something lighthearted.
As a result, I want to get better at expressing myself, and I think I can do that through writing on WordPress. Though it takes an equal amount of time for me to organize my thoughts when I’m writing than when I’m speaking, I’ll get out what I want to say eventually; to see my invisible thoughts in the form of actual words. Seeing my writing makes me a bit happier :D, and raises my self esteem as I’ll prove to myself I am not totally dysfunctional.
I plan on writing on my WordPress through college, jotting down my experiences and my difficult thoughts that I have turmoil figuring about. Also, I want to review anime, movies, and T.V. shows when I can, just so my critique is always sharpened :D! (Haven’t done any of that since my days on Silver Chips Online. I miss it :C )
However, my major is pretty difficult and time consuming (Biomedical Engineering), so I’m not sure how much time I can dedicate to writing on WordPress. In addition, I have a bad habit of flaking out on promises I make to myself (and other people) because like my ideas, my priorities/responsibilities are mess and incredibly disorganized. But hey, I want to change that. House from “House M.D.” says that people never change, and to an extent, that is kind of true. However, I can’t let myself take a step back now, because the only worse thing than failing is giving up without having ever tried at all. Wayne Gretsky said something similar: “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” I have disappointed myself and at times other people, but I know when I’m committed to something and I follow through I can do some pretty amazing things. Only time will tell if I can hold my resolve and keep up my responsibilities.
Alright that was a bit over-dramatic and tense to read l0lz, but I’ve always wanted to say that. Everyone is their own harshest critic, and recently I’ve been slacking on my self.
Oh yeah, forgot what I wanted to say in the first place. College will provide me with lots of exotic experiences, but not the bountiful time I need to constantly write on WordPress. I’ll write what I can, and I know will every now and then because of how therapeutic writing feels. Writing all of this and then reading feels…amazing. I love it. It’s a good step forward. yays :3!
Got an essay to write for Hopkins, on the book “The Others,” by Wes Moore. Heck, I think I might put my college writing on WordPress (after I turn it in). I wouldn’t turn in any college essay if I didn’t think I had good ideas, and if I have good ideas, I should organize em!
Boring first post, but expect more out of me in the future! I’ll be looking at movies, anime, and any T.V. shows. I’ll be documenting my college experiences just so I never forget them, and writing down my emotions and thoughts just so I can figure myself out.
OH YEAH, AND ONE IMPORTANT THING I SHOULD MENTION! My name is Richard Chen, but just call me richarizardd :D! Someone already took “richarizard” :/, and I don’t blame him, it’s a wicked name.